Abraham Lincoln Goes to the Theatre by Larry Tremblay

Author:Larry Tremblay
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Canadian Drama
ISBN: 978-0-88922-815-3
Publisher: Talonbooks
Published: 2013-03-25T16:00:00+00:00

[ 23 ]

HARDY

Toward the end, he wasn’t reading from his notebook anymore.

LAUREL

That’s right. We wouldn’t hear the Slam! I had a feeling he was losing it.

HARDY

He had a fever, that’s for sure.

LAUREL

He was coughing, spitting. Sometimes, he would fall asleep in the middle of rehearsal. It was embarrassing. The great Mark Killman was snoring in front of his actors.

HARDY

Disturbing. Because … because when he was asleep, he looked strikingly like Abraham Lincoln’s figure.

LAUREL

And often, he would wake up with a start—

HARDY

—and go on talking as if nothing had happened.

LAUREL

He was improvising. He would tell stories about the Civil War.

HARDY

Slavery. The schizophrenia of America.

LAUREL

The stupidity of America.

LAUREL & HARDY

He would say:

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Everything started with an actor. And everything will end with an actor. Why did John Wilkes Booth assassinate the sixteenth President of the United States? Why does one assassinate a U.S. President? For political reasons? Who, today, would want to assassinate a U.S. President?

HARDY

An actor?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Tom Cruise?

LAUREL

Al Pacino.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Shut up. Why would he do it? What has changed in the world since April 14, 1865? War, of course, never changes. What would the world be if there were no wars? No, that will never change. Laurel and Hardy.

LAUREL & HARDY

Yes?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

I feel you’re not grasping the essential. Not understanding the question. And the question is? Is? Don’t both answer at the same time! You have no balls. Let me repeat it. The question is: Why did John Wilkes Booth assassinate Abraham Lincoln? Because Booth was against the abolition of slavery? Because he supported the values of the South? But how can anyone be in favour of slavery? How can anyone agree, in good conscience, to chain men from dawn to dusk, raise them like cattle, mate them like cattle, force them to work in cotton fields, with their nails torn out, make them sleep in dog houses? How can we call those values? American values!

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